Cascading Glimpses

Cascading Thoughts

Cascading Thoughts

This photo reminds me of the daily “bumps in the road”. It is difficult to describe what it is like walking around with depression and how it distorts how you view and react to the world. This article, “What It’s Like Inside A Depressed Person’s Head”, By Cynthia W. Lubow, MS, MFT does a pretty good job.

I see this photo and it reminds me how much of my day is spent on entertaining the ruminating thoughts of everything that has gone wrong, is currently going wrong, and what MAY go wrong in the future. Some people tell me, “just let the past go and move on!” I totally agree!! I agree more than anyone will ever know. I agree with every atom of my being, and I am usually the most confused as to why I can’t let go. Surely I am strong enough to pull myself up and shake it off, right?

As some of you know, I went through a therapy called TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation). It is basically is a magnetic charge (similar to an MRI) specifically aimed at the part of your brain that is responsible for “not being able to move on”.

The reason this photo reminds me so much of that thought process is because of the way that my daily thoughts are continually covered by cascading negativity. However, there are also spots where I can poke through the cascade and allow myself to see how silly it is to think like that. Yes, silly! Preaching to the choir here!

Shortly after TMS, I had an outlook like I haven’t had in a very long time. The past was the past, the future was filled with possibilities, and the present was whatever it was. It didn’t matter what today was. Tomorrow was going to better because I was going to make it better. That effect has worn off since, and I am back to fighting the cascade, just trying to keep my nose outside of the water so that I can breathe.

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